By far the most common thing my clients struggle with is self-criticism. Almost everyone I have worked with has shared a common experience of fearing something like:
“There is something inherently wrong with me.” OR “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t love me.” OR “I should be different in some important way(s).”
And yet, despite having worked with hundreds of clients over the last 20 years, I can truly say there has never EVER been a client with whom I’ve worked that was unlovable or inherently bad.
So where is the mismatch? It is in being entranced by the idea that we ARE our qualities. We. Are. Not.
We are human souls in human bodies with histories and talents and flaws and traumas. We are people who are ALL trying to be safe and find and give love. We all have generosity, curiosity, interest, humor. We all have greed, and selfishness, and pettiness, and bias. I’ve worked with so many people who, hour after hour are stuck in trying to “figure out” what is wrong with them so that they can “fix it” and find happiness.
This is a reminder that when we are stuck in that place of feeling inherently bad or needing to be fixed, our job is to notice our emotions and sensations and be curious about our experience. It is to figure out what we need: reassurance, boundaries, structure, relaxation, a hug, a walk, a breath. To say Yes. To say No. To notice the story in our minds of being bad without identifying with that story. To air it out.
If you get caught in this struggle over and over, we can explore what old patterns are stuck. What old story is being replayed over and over. The idea that we are bad is such a scary one—it holds a strong sway over people. It’s ok. It can change.
You are OK. Even when you don’t feel OK. You ARE ok and we can help you feel OK too.